She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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