My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
