from now on my penis is your penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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