ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
