I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
