weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize