3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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