So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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