It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
