Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
