Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
