Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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