i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
