he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
