he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When are your genitals available?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
