We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
