This is not my ceiling
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
