I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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