Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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