the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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