im drinking this country out of the recession.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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