Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
