you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
