i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
