Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
