You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
