how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
