did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
