My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
