Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
