NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
