youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
