The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
