just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
