is your mom at the bar?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Vodka?
Forever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
