I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
