apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize