oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
