i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
