At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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