i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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