Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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