$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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