I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
