My first STD was from a foam party
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
