6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
