i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
