Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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