Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
