Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
