I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
