They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
