Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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