Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I did not marry a roomba.
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