Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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