he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
