I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
