Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
