Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
