I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
