I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
