Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We are two peas in an std pod
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
