During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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