He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Every concussion has its silver lining
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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