I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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