The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
