She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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