That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
