its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize