hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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