So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A+ Viking dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
