I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize