and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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