absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize