As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
