doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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